4 months in

Oh so, yeah, I haven't updated my blog lately. There is one particular reason for that. I have been meatless. For a few months. OH THE PAIN. But it's ok. BECAUSE.. guess who I have begun seeing again. As in "Casually" seeing again. That's right. The Landscaper.

And we are so far in the grey area we can't even see the black or the white sides.

First, we just hooked up again a couple of weeks ago.

Second, he began messaging me again. Saying he had the house free etc.

Third, he began asking me why I wasn't inviting him to stuff.

Fourth, (after hooking up again), he began remembering little details about things I told him.

Fifth, we have spoken every day this week (except today, not that I'm trying to not think about that or anything.)

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought someone that you met at a bar, took home, and shagged was... well... a one-night-stand. Maybe with the potential to become a F*buddy. But this? What is this?

And the problem also begins in that I have certain boundaries for different relationships. Someone I'm gonna shag randomly can maybe get away with a bit more than, say someone I'm potentially dating. Example:

L: "So, got any girlfriends who might want a threesome?"

Me (if we were dating): "I'm not that kinda girl. Deal with it."

Me (if we were just shagging): "My girlfriends and I don't like to share meat. So, got the house tonight?"

See the subtle differences? Sure the overall message is the same, but option 2, implies that I'm a little more risque compared to option 1, which is "Don't ask me that, respect me, we've just begun dating". Case and Point.

Now, where does he fall, and what boundaries to I set for him????

Picture:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/grrrl/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

What HAVE you been doing young lady?

Ok. So I haven't really been doing anything Meat-related this month. But I've been kinda of out of it- mind all over the place. VERY un-relationship-stable. I've been trying to catch up with friends, figure out what I want to do, and not find meat for the time being. As meat in this time of confusion can cause more confusion (indigestion?). But I feel that time may be changing. Today is my last day with eharmony. I am totally in 2 minds about whether to renew it or not. To be honest, the last few people that I have been in contact with haven't really got me jumping for the stars. But I feel like I'm being really superficial about it- they'll have written something that doesn't quite sit right, although there is every indicator that we'd get along. Maybe I should sign on for another month, and then see...

It doesn't help that this morning there was a guy who contacted me who I really liked. Straight away. Let's call him... Carlton- because that's where he's from. But - I only have one day left! Oh the stress. I feel a renewal may be coming on! There has been no judgment as to whether or not this online dating thing really works. Maybe I need to check it out just a little longer and see.....

What is the Two-time Rule?

The Two-time Rule, simply put, is the agreement that you cannot sleep with a guy MORE than 2 times, for fear of attachment. That is; if you are dating, you probably need some further commitment from him before you sleep with him that 3rd time, if you have a F*buddy, you might need to call it off (like I would have had to with the Landscaper, as I already knew I liked him), and if you're not sure, you definitely can't go there. Please comment if you need clarification on any of these facts.

This rule was used by my girlfriends and I in our early 20's and we found that it was extremely useful and true. Although, don't get me wrong, I had a successful F*buddy over a year long back then... it's just if you ever feel like you like him a lot, or that you aren't in control in those F*buddy situations.

As I get older, I wonder if I will be the same in that I will be able to go more than that; that 2 times is really just for amateurs. On the other hand, I don't really want to be someone who can separate themselves from it sleeping with someone so much... I think they call those people Hookers. Or, maybe Cougars... :)

And thus ends the Honeymoon Period....

Well. It had to happen. I've been here over 3 weeks and now things are beginning to look a little more.... *shudder*... settled. Landscaper called off our fling, the internet dating site is giving me nothing, it seems even my plutonic mates (including Neo) are dating, leaving me not even someone to hang with and give me boy talk. Why do I need to be around testosterone so much?

So everyone seems to be getting on... and life seems to be getting on... but I seem to be sitting in the house, unpacking scarves from Vietnam and reminiscing of my weekends in Thailand, Hoi An and with my friends in Hanoi enjoying massages and cheap ice-cream.

What I need, I think you'll agree, is a night out with my girlfriends. I'm no whore, but I like one-night stands now, and I feel I'm in need for one again. Is that an ok thing to say? Hey, if you don't like it, don't read it.. I'm feeling a little predatory and I hate when I'm like that. Kinda like Samantha from Sex and the City, but without the charisma... damn you Landscaper - you got me started and now look at me!! I should have known not to jump in straight away! And I think what makes it worse is the nicest possible way how he told me he wasn't interested anymore. This was it (via text):

"Hey (name), I hope you had a good night. Look, I need to tell you I can't keep up with this casual shag thing, because my heart lies elsewhere. I'm sorry. (Landscaper)"

Like we were in a relationship! I feel like I was broken up with - F*buddies aren't meant to be like that- you just stop contact!! ARGH why was he so nice!?!

Dates, Mates and Mistakes....

Week 2 has now also come to an end and it has indeed been busy. So let's get stuck into it! First things first. Alfresco and I had a date on Friday... and ... it was... ok. Not great. Here is a snippet. See if you can spot where it went wrong!

Me: ...That would have been good. What subjects did you do?

Al: English, Maths Methods, Biology, Photography and PE.

Me: Cool. Uh. Yeah. SO. um. What I was gonna say. I mean, what I... I mean yeah so yeah *now going red* what are your, well, what did you study at uni? Did you go?

Al: *chuckling* (yes, chuckling!) Outdoor Ed.

Me: *red for the rest of the date*

So clearly, I'm no first date expert...I just can't seem to maintain a proper conversation- remember- this was a representative snippet! And although I understand that I needed to just jump on the horse and get the first date over and done with, I wish I could have been a little more eloquent... Definitely will not hear from Alfresco again. I feel a bit bad he had Date #1 when I'm so out of practice. It was kinda awkward. But he was kind enough about it. God knows, he sat through it for a whole hour! Dates -1, Mistakes +1.

Anyway, I also headed out with an ex, who we shall call Neo (as I was so sure he was "the one") on Saturday night. I was a little apprehensive because of our past and my weakness but I am happy to report that there are no worries anymore. It seems time has healed all; I have no romantic feelings towards him which is excellent. This perhaps in one of those cases, where 1) distance does not make the heart grow fonder, and 2) running away can help! Mates +1, Mistakes -1.

Of course the weekends' nights wouldn't be complete without a text message at 11:30pm to the potential f*buddy; Landscaper. Who at 3am, responded. With of course one thing in mind. At this stage, I couldn't ask for anything more. I mean, look at my last blog post. This guy was great. Unfortunately, I had just gotten home and with the amount of alcohol consumed with Neo, there was no way that I would be in any form to go see him at about 4am. However, due to the nature of the text I have a promising feeling that we can meet up after midnight in the next 2 weeks or so, so all is not lost, in fact I would say: Mistakes -1, Mate(ing) +1.

Strangely, I had an interesting conversation about this with Neo who said, as a man, he would find it difficult to have that relationship with a woman, i.e., a casual f*buddy. This made me think of the stereotypes I have about these situations. I thought that women were less keen, and every man would want to do these casual relationships! Is it the other way around? More investigation needs to be done here.

In my humble, 26 year opinion, as long as you can keep it superficial, and not get connected (remind me to discuss the 2 time rule). This might be a problem for Landscaper and me, as I reckon he's great already (uh-oh). Ah yeah. And the awesome sex doesn't really help me in emotionally distancing from him.

One night in Melbourne...

Week one in Melbourne has come to an end, and a most satisfying end at that. I have Alfresco's phone number from the online dating forum and we're due to go for a date in the next few weeks. But more importantly, on Friday night I went out with some girlfriends on the town and ended up going home with a Landscaper who was very fit indeed. Over this week, I had some trouble with fitting in with some aspects of living life here, but I have to say, after Friday night, I was loving Melbourne- let's face it- this was a big part of the reason I moved back here.

Let me tell you a little about the Landscaper. To be honest, I have been a little lacking in confidence in the "men" world due to the drought that is Asia. Although he was a bit older (which, as this blog continues, we'll find isn't uncommon for me) he was exactly what I needed. He was confident, good-looking, sweet and may I say, quite seductive. He wasn't an idiot either. Plus it was the best sex in so long (which isn't really saying anything since it's actually been so long- but it was goood).

Up until now, I have never had a proper one night stand- although I imagine I cannot say this statement anymore. Everyone that I have had a one-night 'thing' with has been a friend of a friend, or some kind of link, where you can be fairly certain you'll see that person again. This time, we exchanged numbers (out of courtesy more than anything I think), but I think I won't see him again. And that feels.... empowering in some way. One night stands are a beautiful thing. See, I'd heard all sorts of problems about the morning after, (myself not knowing about these things) but after Round 1 I was planning on calling a taxi home. I am very glad I didn't after Round 4. Oh yeah. On the down side, for the last 2 days I have been quite tired, and I left my nice thai scarf there. Ahh the sacrifices one must make!

First night out, and I get the guy. You cannot keep the smile from my face: life in Melbourne is good.

Let me introduce you to YellowShirt

So tomorrow night is re-entry into Melbourne. A few friends are having a welcome back party for me. This has me thinking of coming home and the past men I've been with that are still residing in Melbourne.

As I've said before, Melbourne isn't a particularly difficult place to meet men (compared to Hanoi), and this has meant that on return there are men that I've been around before that I maybe need to make more decisions about (or, is that just crazy over-analytical talk I wonder?)

Of course, there's the lovely men like Tim Yellowshirt, who is a typical f*buddy. We have absolutely nothing to say to each other. Seems to wear yellow shirts (or at least, he did once) hence the name. And the best thing? We both get our arrangement. Then there's the ones you slept with once or twice and you see them all the time... (what's with that?) and you just continue being friends. Not that it matters, you're all friends now, right? Well, I suppose so... but you know that feeling that you get, when you know something has happened with someone in the past, and you can't help but wonder....

So, in terms of past men, there isn't anything for me to be "writing home" (ha!) about, in assuming something is going to happen. But like most women, that little bit inside makes me wonder: am I going to meet up with them again? If so, what will happen? Anything? And if it does what will it mean? We know loads of women over-analyse this way (including all my single friends)- it's a popular topic as well- a bunch of books and blogs are about this- look at the sex and the city series! All I'm gonna say, is maybe we all just want to be a part of "something" thus we think about potential "somethings" a lot. Simple, but makes sense to me. So, should I put on the yellow shirt or should I hold off and try a different style?